Penis is not for patriarchy and vagina is not for victim: a perspective on "rape culture"
If you're abreast (pardon the pun) with feminist agenda, I'm sure you would've have encountered the rather controversial subject of "rape culture". Under the guise of liberalism, feminists would have you believe that all acts of violence perpetrated by a man against a woman are as a result of a persisting patriarchal need to exert dominance over women. Rape culture is present in the simple appreciation of the feminine physique right through to actual forced sexual misconduct. I’m not about to pretend that there isn’t a degree of truth to the presence of this mind set which many would project onto all men, but I feel that the assumption that all men fundamentally are a part of rape culture is very short sighted and, quite frankly, illogical. This piece is written in response to an article I read wherein the author, a man, essentially stated that every man in the world is a part of rape culture and how good, well intentioned men should behave so as not make the women that they encounter feel vulnerable.
I haven’t studied this extensively, I’m not up to date with psychological aspects such as gender roles and I definitely haven’t done gender studies, all that I have to say is based on simple observation. The fact is that men and women are wired differently, that’s not to say that men should be excused for inappropriate behaviour, but one cannot expect perfect relations when the sexes don’t adequately communicate their needs. Apart from those basic Venus and Mars misunderstandings, every single person is just that: an individual, with his/her own concepts, perspectives and attitudes which are influenced by a vast array factors one experiences throughout life. While one woman may feel that a man catcalling and wolf whistling at her is sexual objectification which undermines her as a person, another may find the attention flattering and simply accept the compliment in her stride in the same manner that she would accept a friend or family member complimenting her appearance. Who is actually to say which response is appropriate?
There are many places in the world where there is no doubt of patriarchal dominance. There are disgusting stories regarding “corrective rape” and rape shaming, even women being stoned for committing “adultery” after being violated by a rapist. These are but a few examples. But the idea that every woman feels vulnerable in the presence of a man due to the fear that he will force himself upon her is ridiculous. Especially in a South African context! When superstition becomes intertwined with current affairs, we see horrible by-products such as the idea that sex with a virgin or elderly woman can cure AIDS. That’s not to say that this is sole reason for rape statistics in South Africa, there are many sick people perpetrating a plethora of sexually related crimes that have nothing to do with the depraved “cure for AIDS”. But one cannot ignore the influence of this concept. Another factor that many professors of rape culture fail to acknowledge is that of poverty. No, I am not saying that disenfranchised men rape women because of their socioeconomic status, I am talking about basic violence among people. The idea that a woman feels vulnerable by virtue of being a woman as opposed to people feeling vulnerable because of the dangers inherent to living. Maybe it is short sighted on my part, but if I am in a vulnerable position, while I am likely to feel more threatened by a man due to him probably being physically intimidating to my petite frame, my instinctual fear is for my life, not for fear of being sexually violated. Why? Because basic human needs place hunger above sexual dominance. In my understanding at any rate. I am more scared of someone wanting to physically harm me so that he (or she) can steal my belongings and use them to put food in his stomach. And where the socioeconomic status of members of the South African population differ so widely, this factor cannot be ignored.
The bottom line to this commentary on rape culture is this: good, well intentioned men should not need to feel ashamed for being men. Women should realise that self-victimisation based on being the weaker sex does not lend itself to gender empowerment, let alone equality between the sexes. It is only through acknowledging of our own short comings and appreciation of the strengths in others that society can move past concepts such as rape culture.
I haven’t studied this extensively, I’m not up to date with psychological aspects such as gender roles and I definitely haven’t done gender studies, all that I have to say is based on simple observation. The fact is that men and women are wired differently, that’s not to say that men should be excused for inappropriate behaviour, but one cannot expect perfect relations when the sexes don’t adequately communicate their needs. Apart from those basic Venus and Mars misunderstandings, every single person is just that: an individual, with his/her own concepts, perspectives and attitudes which are influenced by a vast array factors one experiences throughout life. While one woman may feel that a man catcalling and wolf whistling at her is sexual objectification which undermines her as a person, another may find the attention flattering and simply accept the compliment in her stride in the same manner that she would accept a friend or family member complimenting her appearance. Who is actually to say which response is appropriate?
There are many places in the world where there is no doubt of patriarchal dominance. There are disgusting stories regarding “corrective rape” and rape shaming, even women being stoned for committing “adultery” after being violated by a rapist. These are but a few examples. But the idea that every woman feels vulnerable in the presence of a man due to the fear that he will force himself upon her is ridiculous. Especially in a South African context! When superstition becomes intertwined with current affairs, we see horrible by-products such as the idea that sex with a virgin or elderly woman can cure AIDS. That’s not to say that this is sole reason for rape statistics in South Africa, there are many sick people perpetrating a plethora of sexually related crimes that have nothing to do with the depraved “cure for AIDS”. But one cannot ignore the influence of this concept. Another factor that many professors of rape culture fail to acknowledge is that of poverty. No, I am not saying that disenfranchised men rape women because of their socioeconomic status, I am talking about basic violence among people. The idea that a woman feels vulnerable by virtue of being a woman as opposed to people feeling vulnerable because of the dangers inherent to living. Maybe it is short sighted on my part, but if I am in a vulnerable position, while I am likely to feel more threatened by a man due to him probably being physically intimidating to my petite frame, my instinctual fear is for my life, not for fear of being sexually violated. Why? Because basic human needs place hunger above sexual dominance. In my understanding at any rate. I am more scared of someone wanting to physically harm me so that he (or she) can steal my belongings and use them to put food in his stomach. And where the socioeconomic status of members of the South African population differ so widely, this factor cannot be ignored.
The bottom line to this commentary on rape culture is this: good, well intentioned men should not need to feel ashamed for being men. Women should realise that self-victimisation based on being the weaker sex does not lend itself to gender empowerment, let alone equality between the sexes. It is only through acknowledging of our own short comings and appreciation of the strengths in others that society can move past concepts such as rape culture.
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