The day I decided not to play with my daughter
The working mom gig can be an exercise in disappointment. The disappointment apparent when your 18 month old cries when you leave for work in the morning. The disappointment when you hear that your angel reached yet another milestone that you were not present for. The added disappointment when she refuses to show you her new trick(s). Add to that being a part time student and life becomes a whole lot more stressful. But I accepted this path and I might as well enjoy taking my steps forward, my steps backward, and dance my cha cha as best I can.
I generally try to make the most out of my time with my daughter. I avoid doing other tasks when I have time with her. Unfortunately that is not always possible because there are only so many hours in a day and there are always chores that need doing. Eliana forcibly pushing me away from the kitchen sink when I try to do the dishes instead of playing the goofball with her is another factor to stop me from diverting my attention too far away. But I am only human and there are many times when I simply do not have the motivation or energy to immerse myself into the toddler realm and do all those activities like a good Pinterest mom. There are times when I would like to simply lie on the couch and become absorbed in the latest episode of a Shonda Rhimes production. To forget that I have adult responsibilities like supper- and bath time in addition to the need to cram in some quality time with my rapidly growing daughter. It is a tough balance to strike.
When I arrived home the other day, I was met with the news that El had not had a nap at all during the day. Knowing that my parents were en route from Cape Town and would be stopping past to visit their granddaughter, I decided to put my efforts into getting my little mischief maker to catch a few Zs and be suitably spry for their arrival. I tried. I cuddled. I sang. I failed. Eventually I decided to "play sleep" and see if she would join me – it worked when she was tiny! Nope. Lying prone was simply an invitation for Miss El to use me as a human jungle gym. I felt worn out, it had been a long day and I really would not have minded a nap myself. So instead of assuming the position on the floor, poised to build some blocks, I remained ensconced on the couch and opted instead to observe.
And I was amazed at what I saw. I watched as El came over to me, spied my discarded flip flops on the floor and attempted to put one on her foot. I then watched her clomp around the lounge, one foot bare and the other with a flip flop thong precariously balanced on her toes. Then I saw her sneakily try to climb up to grab things off of my desk. Things which had been placed there deliberately out of her reach! She put her feet on the support bar, tentatively tried to position one foot on the vacuum cleaner stored beneath the desk and, thankfully, realised it was not a stable perch and resumed simply trying to reach as far as her little arms could to grab the evasive treasures. She reached and pulled down a length of ribbon. She examined this and decided to drape it around her shoulders like a scarf. She walked around the lounge for a few minutes, occasionally repositioning her "scarf" and playing with her pull along, musical phone. Then she returned to the desk, climbed up and pulled down a lanyard. This was also scrutinised before she decided to don it as a necklace. She returned for my other flip flop and took another lap around the lounge and kitchen area, clomping down awkwardly.
As she continued her adventures, occasionally returning to me for a cuddle, a kiss or to pass me a "cellphone" (being anything from a toy cellphone to an appliance remote control), I continued to watch her. To watch as she pulled my books off the bookshelf again, sat on the floor and paged through them as if she were reading them. To watch (and listen) as she played a few bars of "Twinkle twinkle little star" by pressing the lit up buttons in sequence on her musical phone. To watch as she repetitively repositioned her "scarf", pulled off her "necklace" to examine it and put it back over her head. To watch as she joyfully pushed her wooden trolley around, occasionally climbing into it and looking around as if trying to determine if she would be able to sit in it and propel herself forward unaided.
My reverie was broken with the sound of the doorbell, indicating that my parents had arrived. With other people to compete for both mine and El's attention, I was not able to continue the close observation of her entertaining herself. But I was glad of the time that I had had. It does not sound remarkable, it sounds rather ordinary. It is hard to describe what held me so entranced. I had witnessed El doing many of these things before, but I think what struck me was the way in which her personality is really starting to shine through. Pretend talking on a toy cellphone can be chalked up to simply mimicking her parents. The same could be said for her "reading" books or trying to walk in my shoes. But there was something in the mannerism, something in the way she paraded around, adjusting her "adornments" – it was the realisation of just how much she has grown, how she is actively incorporating various cues and elements that have never been overtly shown, yet she has managed to assess them and figure them out for herself; how she is becoming her own person.
I tried to make sure that I spent some more time playing with her in the days that followed, but I also took time to observe. While not all of her actions were as sophisticated, I still marveled at her development. I might fall prey to the fears that plague most mothers when it comes to worrying if their child's development is on track, especially when it seems that El is not as verbally advanced as many of her peers, but I can see the wheels turning at an alarming rate. The way she intuitively raises her arms when I get her dressed. How she tries to put her jerseys on herself if they are lying around as opposed to just draping them over her head. Unfortunately I think that is the best I can hope for when she grabs her father's beanies... she knows to put them on her head, but she lets them hang over face (and make me worry that I possibly should not have been watching Daredevil when she was a few months old). How she knows to put lids onto containers. How she might randomly pack away her Duplo blocks without me prompting her – and proceed to clap for herself since she is being a good girl. She surprised me again the other night when she climbed up on the bed and grabbed things her dad had left on his side table, his watch and beaded bangles. Up until that point I would have expected these items to immediately be chewed or thrown around. Instead, she placed each bangle on one of her wrists before trying to put the watch on.
It is easy to get caught up in this busy world. To be distracted by the stresses of life. Or that funny video on your Facebook newsfeed. Or to keep up to date with the latest TV show so that the plot does not get spoiled for you. It is easy to forget that our children are growing and developing before our eyes. But it is amazing to stop for a few minutes and simply watch. Absorb. Wonder. And enjoy the eccentricities, discoveries and curiosities of a growing child.
I generally try to make the most out of my time with my daughter. I avoid doing other tasks when I have time with her. Unfortunately that is not always possible because there are only so many hours in a day and there are always chores that need doing. Eliana forcibly pushing me away from the kitchen sink when I try to do the dishes instead of playing the goofball with her is another factor to stop me from diverting my attention too far away. But I am only human and there are many times when I simply do not have the motivation or energy to immerse myself into the toddler realm and do all those activities like a good Pinterest mom. There are times when I would like to simply lie on the couch and become absorbed in the latest episode of a Shonda Rhimes production. To forget that I have adult responsibilities like supper- and bath time in addition to the need to cram in some quality time with my rapidly growing daughter. It is a tough balance to strike.
When I arrived home the other day, I was met with the news that El had not had a nap at all during the day. Knowing that my parents were en route from Cape Town and would be stopping past to visit their granddaughter, I decided to put my efforts into getting my little mischief maker to catch a few Zs and be suitably spry for their arrival. I tried. I cuddled. I sang. I failed. Eventually I decided to "play sleep" and see if she would join me – it worked when she was tiny! Nope. Lying prone was simply an invitation for Miss El to use me as a human jungle gym. I felt worn out, it had been a long day and I really would not have minded a nap myself. So instead of assuming the position on the floor, poised to build some blocks, I remained ensconced on the couch and opted instead to observe.
And I was amazed at what I saw. I watched as El came over to me, spied my discarded flip flops on the floor and attempted to put one on her foot. I then watched her clomp around the lounge, one foot bare and the other with a flip flop thong precariously balanced on her toes. Then I saw her sneakily try to climb up to grab things off of my desk. Things which had been placed there deliberately out of her reach! She put her feet on the support bar, tentatively tried to position one foot on the vacuum cleaner stored beneath the desk and, thankfully, realised it was not a stable perch and resumed simply trying to reach as far as her little arms could to grab the evasive treasures. She reached and pulled down a length of ribbon. She examined this and decided to drape it around her shoulders like a scarf. She walked around the lounge for a few minutes, occasionally repositioning her "scarf" and playing with her pull along, musical phone. Then she returned to the desk, climbed up and pulled down a lanyard. This was also scrutinised before she decided to don it as a necklace. She returned for my other flip flop and took another lap around the lounge and kitchen area, clomping down awkwardly.
As she continued her adventures, occasionally returning to me for a cuddle, a kiss or to pass me a "cellphone" (being anything from a toy cellphone to an appliance remote control), I continued to watch her. To watch as she pulled my books off the bookshelf again, sat on the floor and paged through them as if she were reading them. To watch (and listen) as she played a few bars of "Twinkle twinkle little star" by pressing the lit up buttons in sequence on her musical phone. To watch as she repetitively repositioned her "scarf", pulled off her "necklace" to examine it and put it back over her head. To watch as she joyfully pushed her wooden trolley around, occasionally climbing into it and looking around as if trying to determine if she would be able to sit in it and propel herself forward unaided.
My reverie was broken with the sound of the doorbell, indicating that my parents had arrived. With other people to compete for both mine and El's attention, I was not able to continue the close observation of her entertaining herself. But I was glad of the time that I had had. It does not sound remarkable, it sounds rather ordinary. It is hard to describe what held me so entranced. I had witnessed El doing many of these things before, but I think what struck me was the way in which her personality is really starting to shine through. Pretend talking on a toy cellphone can be chalked up to simply mimicking her parents. The same could be said for her "reading" books or trying to walk in my shoes. But there was something in the mannerism, something in the way she paraded around, adjusting her "adornments" – it was the realisation of just how much she has grown, how she is actively incorporating various cues and elements that have never been overtly shown, yet she has managed to assess them and figure them out for herself; how she is becoming her own person.
I tried to make sure that I spent some more time playing with her in the days that followed, but I also took time to observe. While not all of her actions were as sophisticated, I still marveled at her development. I might fall prey to the fears that plague most mothers when it comes to worrying if their child's development is on track, especially when it seems that El is not as verbally advanced as many of her peers, but I can see the wheels turning at an alarming rate. The way she intuitively raises her arms when I get her dressed. How she tries to put her jerseys on herself if they are lying around as opposed to just draping them over her head. Unfortunately I think that is the best I can hope for when she grabs her father's beanies... she knows to put them on her head, but she lets them hang over face (and make me worry that I possibly should not have been watching Daredevil when she was a few months old). How she knows to put lids onto containers. How she might randomly pack away her Duplo blocks without me prompting her – and proceed to clap for herself since she is being a good girl. She surprised me again the other night when she climbed up on the bed and grabbed things her dad had left on his side table, his watch and beaded bangles. Up until that point I would have expected these items to immediately be chewed or thrown around. Instead, she placed each bangle on one of her wrists before trying to put the watch on.
It is easy to get caught up in this busy world. To be distracted by the stresses of life. Or that funny video on your Facebook newsfeed. Or to keep up to date with the latest TV show so that the plot does not get spoiled for you. It is easy to forget that our children are growing and developing before our eyes. But it is amazing to stop for a few minutes and simply watch. Absorb. Wonder. And enjoy the eccentricities, discoveries and curiosities of a growing child.
Comments
Post a Comment