Oh pregnancy... what's not to love!?
Despite what some people may have you believe, pregnancy is not all roses and rainbow-pooping unicorns. Unfortunately some woman will have that rather unnerving realisation when they find themselves collapsed on the floor in the loo, arms wrapped around the porcelain god as they pay it homage in the form of whatever meal was most recently ingested or just a bit of good ol' retching. Others may bypass the dreaded morning sickness phase only to be met with a variety of other ailments, like back or hip pain, heartburn, constipation or simply feeling miserable.
I can't say I had a pair of rose-tinted on when I found out about my pregnancy. In fact, I'd describe my perspective as rather grim – I think I had gloom-tinted glasses on. I was worried about something going wrong. As my journey with my munchkin has progressed to the third trimester, the fear has somewhat lessened, although every so often I do fret about things. Apparently it's normal. Yes, it's normal for your mind to dream up the most unlikely scenarios and be struck cold with the fear that at some point something bad is going to happen. But then again, pregnancy isn't all vomit, aches and regurgitated stomach acid either.
I've come to the conclusion that I have a love/hate relationship with pregnancy. Because I cannot deny that I have had some lows… as in going to loo at work to empty the ever-filling bladder as well as have a cry. But there are some amazing highs that words, no matter how beautifully phrased, will ever be able to describe – the endorphin cocktail as those feel-good chemicals rapidly release in your brain. So here’s a list of some highs and lows that I hope other moms and expectant moms might appreciate.
You're enjoying the moment – daydreaming about meeting your little miracle, while also wondering about what kind of parent you'll be and if you'll be able to do right by this life you're bringing into the world, when suddenly everyone feels they have the right to tell you what you are and are not allowed to do. Or whether something is the "right" or "wrong" way of doing things. I think the age of social media has made this that much worse because suddenly it's not just your aunt telling you about how you should "toughen up" your nipples for breastfeeding by scrubbing them with the rough end of a kitchen sponge, but a whole lot of other people – from random acquaintances that you met at a party that one time, friends who aren't even remotely close to becoming parents, distant relatives and sometimes even people you don't even know. There's information overload and trying to filter out the good advice from the bad can be tricky. And even when you've done enough of your own research and consulting with people you trust (like your doctor, midwife, family members and close friends) about certain aspects of pregnancy or parenting, you'll still get someone who will tell you that what you've decided is wrong. While it's tempting to simply extend the middle finger and use the convenient excuse of pregnancy hormones as the reason for your apparent rudeness (I prefer the term "low bullshit tolerance"), it's sometimes easier to just give a non-committal response and ignore said "advice" because it's likely that you'll be at the receiving end of an unending advice stream and you might find yourself isolated if you flip off every would-be advice giver.
Feeling guilty about complaining about pregnancy
How often do you catch yourself feeling miserable because of any (or many) of the various discomforts that come along with pregnancy, but you always have to say something along the lines of "but it's so worth it!" or "but I love my baby"? Because if you don't people will think that you're ungrateful for the amazing blessing that is a child. It's not a lack of gratitude, sometimes it's just being human and admitting that something isn't easy. That's not to say that one should be insensitive the very real problem of infertility. There are so many couples struggling to have a baby and while you might want to mouth off about your temporary discomfort, they would give the world to experience it just because it would mean that they too will able to share in the wonder of pregnancy and eventual parenthood. Pregnancy can be an exceptionally challenging and emotional time and it definitely is not glamourous, it's acceptable to let the strain show every now and then, just maybe be aware of the people around you when you do so.
I can't say I had a pair of rose-tinted on when I found out about my pregnancy. In fact, I'd describe my perspective as rather grim – I think I had gloom-tinted glasses on. I was worried about something going wrong. As my journey with my munchkin has progressed to the third trimester, the fear has somewhat lessened, although every so often I do fret about things. Apparently it's normal. Yes, it's normal for your mind to dream up the most unlikely scenarios and be struck cold with the fear that at some point something bad is going to happen. But then again, pregnancy isn't all vomit, aches and regurgitated stomach acid either.
I've come to the conclusion that I have a love/hate relationship with pregnancy. Because I cannot deny that I have had some lows… as in going to loo at work to empty the ever-filling bladder as well as have a cry. But there are some amazing highs that words, no matter how beautifully phrased, will ever be able to describe – the endorphin cocktail as those feel-good chemicals rapidly release in your brain. So here’s a list of some highs and lows that I hope other moms and expectant moms might appreciate.
Finding out that you’re pregnant...
Having had an atypical experience when I learnt of my impending motherhood, it's safe to say that however you find out, it's a moment layered in significance and emotion. The instant the words, "Well, the pregnancy test was positive." passed the casualty doctor's lips, I found myself in a state of blissful surrealness. I hadn't expected the news, but I'd hoped for it!
Having had an atypical experience when I learnt of my impending motherhood, it's safe to say that however you find out, it's a moment layered in significance and emotion. The instant the words, "Well, the pregnancy test was positive." passed the casualty doctor's lips, I found myself in a state of blissful surrealness. I hadn't expected the news, but I'd hoped for it!
The First (also known as the worst!) trimester
It's not to say that this period of pregnancy is without highs, but there are some pretty low lows. After what was (hopefully) an initial glow when receiving the news of your little one's existence, the fear, doubt, stress, mood swings and morning sickness might just be making themselves apparent. That and tender boobies... While the lack of visit from dear Aunty Flo might mean more sexy time in your partner's mind, it could be one of the furthest things from yours when you're in the throes of first trimester misery induced by one or many of the numerous pregnancy "side effects", not least of which is feeling like someone is giving you a breast examination when it's really just a light fondle.
It's not to say that this period of pregnancy is without highs, but there are some pretty low lows. After what was (hopefully) an initial glow when receiving the news of your little one's existence, the fear, doubt, stress, mood swings and morning sickness might just be making themselves apparent. That and tender boobies... While the lack of visit from dear Aunty Flo might mean more sexy time in your partner's mind, it could be one of the furthest things from yours when you're in the throes of first trimester misery induced by one or many of the numerous pregnancy "side effects", not least of which is feeling like someone is giving you a breast examination when it's really just a light fondle.
The heartbeat
Depending on when you go for your first ultrasound, you might be lucky enough to hear the powerful, rapid beat of your little angel's heart from as early as six weeks. I heard this for the first time at 8 weeks and it is truly amazing. When you consider that at this stage your baby is either the same size as or smaller than a bean, it's remarkable to realise that inside that teeny tiny body is a little heart pumping away furiously. Suddenly the concept of life has a different meaning...
Being told what you can and can't do... by everyone!
Depending on when you go for your first ultrasound, you might be lucky enough to hear the powerful, rapid beat of your little angel's heart from as early as six weeks. I heard this for the first time at 8 weeks and it is truly amazing. When you consider that at this stage your baby is either the same size as or smaller than a bean, it's remarkable to realise that inside that teeny tiny body is a little heart pumping away furiously. Suddenly the concept of life has a different meaning...
Being told what you can and can't do... by everyone!
You're enjoying the moment – daydreaming about meeting your little miracle, while also wondering about what kind of parent you'll be and if you'll be able to do right by this life you're bringing into the world, when suddenly everyone feels they have the right to tell you what you are and are not allowed to do. Or whether something is the "right" or "wrong" way of doing things. I think the age of social media has made this that much worse because suddenly it's not just your aunt telling you about how you should "toughen up" your nipples for breastfeeding by scrubbing them with the rough end of a kitchen sponge, but a whole lot of other people – from random acquaintances that you met at a party that one time, friends who aren't even remotely close to becoming parents, distant relatives and sometimes even people you don't even know. There's information overload and trying to filter out the good advice from the bad can be tricky. And even when you've done enough of your own research and consulting with people you trust (like your doctor, midwife, family members and close friends) about certain aspects of pregnancy or parenting, you'll still get someone who will tell you that what you've decided is wrong. While it's tempting to simply extend the middle finger and use the convenient excuse of pregnancy hormones as the reason for your apparent rudeness (I prefer the term "low bullshit tolerance"), it's sometimes easier to just give a non-committal response and ignore said "advice" because it's likely that you'll be at the receiving end of an unending advice stream and you might find yourself isolated if you flip off every would-be advice giver.
Being repeatedly asked the same questions by random strangers
When it becomes rather apparent that you are pregnant, it's only natural that people will take an interest in the bun (and possibly its oven). And there's nothing wrong with that really, it can actually be a nice means for an excited pregnant mommy to gush about her enthusiasm, joy and wonder at the miracle of pregnancy. But on the other hand, particularly (in my opinion) if you are often in an environment where you regularly interact with many different people, such as working in a retail setting, it can become rather tedious. You may even find yourself feeling guilty about the extent to which your answers lack enthusiasm because you're just so tired of responding to the same questions.
"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"
"When is baby due?"
"Are you excited?"
Yes, I do know the gender and she's due to be making her appearance in October. And my level of excitement has become like a homeopathic remedy – exceptionally diluted because of the number of times I've been asked these questions, but if I'm feeling energetic I can always fake some enthusiasm just so that you don't think that I'm not happy to be having a baby.
On a scale of one to whale, how big do I look?
Pregnancy can be a hard knock for your self esteem, especially when your normally loose clothes have become tighter. Even more so when hardly anything that you had in your wardrobe fits anymore. It's all good, it means that your baby is growing. Sadly, it's not always that easy to accept that you might look (and feel) like a beached whale at times.
When it becomes rather apparent that you are pregnant, it's only natural that people will take an interest in the bun (and possibly its oven). And there's nothing wrong with that really, it can actually be a nice means for an excited pregnant mommy to gush about her enthusiasm, joy and wonder at the miracle of pregnancy. But on the other hand, particularly (in my opinion) if you are often in an environment where you regularly interact with many different people, such as working in a retail setting, it can become rather tedious. You may even find yourself feeling guilty about the extent to which your answers lack enthusiasm because you're just so tired of responding to the same questions.
"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"
"When is baby due?"
"Are you excited?"
Yes, I do know the gender and she's due to be making her appearance in October. And my level of excitement has become like a homeopathic remedy – exceptionally diluted because of the number of times I've been asked these questions, but if I'm feeling energetic I can always fake some enthusiasm just so that you don't think that I'm not happy to be having a baby.
Buying baby things
Even if your credit card or bank account might be cringing and you swoon over those adorable outfits, toys and blankets, buying things for your baby elicits a different kind of high. It's a chance to unleash the excitement and positivity that is so often overcome by other worries or negative pregnancy experiences. On a scale of one to whale, how big do I look?
Pregnancy can be a hard knock for your self esteem, especially when your normally loose clothes have become tighter. Even more so when hardly anything that you had in your wardrobe fits anymore. It's all good, it means that your baby is growing. Sadly, it's not always that easy to accept that you might look (and feel) like a beached whale at times.
Having people freely comment on your body
As per the previous point, you might already be feeling huge and a number of people may feel inclined to pass a comment on your growing belly. Unfortunately, many people lack the tact required to do this in a way that isn't insulting. What's worse is that it would seem that people think it's acceptable to make such comments or jokes about the size of a pregnant woman's bump or the amount of weight she has gained... I guess I missed the memo where it was stated that, in general, you should not pass comment on someone's physique but pregnant women (and very skinny people) are fair game.
As per the previous point, you might already be feeling huge and a number of people may feel inclined to pass a comment on your growing belly. Unfortunately, many people lack the tact required to do this in a way that isn't insulting. What's worse is that it would seem that people think it's acceptable to make such comments or jokes about the size of a pregnant woman's bump or the amount of weight she has gained... I guess I missed the memo where it was stated that, in general, you should not pass comment on someone's physique but pregnant women (and very skinny people) are fair game.
Heartburn
As the belly grows and the uterus pushes up, your stomach becomes compressed. When that happens, you're likely to experience heartburn. Yes, there are antacids and yes, there is Gaviscon. But neither of which really provide long lasting relief.
The improved understanding of your parents
While it's not always the easiest thing to admit, when you start stressing and panicking over this little life that hasn't even taken its first breath of air, you have a far better understanding of the love that your parents feel for you. It might be slightly annoying to realise how much of a brat that means you have been in the past, but such is the cycle of life.
As the belly grows and the uterus pushes up, your stomach becomes compressed. When that happens, you're likely to experience heartburn. Yes, there are antacids and yes, there is Gaviscon. But neither of which really provide long lasting relief.
The improved understanding of your parents
While it's not always the easiest thing to admit, when you start stressing and panicking over this little life that hasn't even taken its first breath of air, you have a far better understanding of the love that your parents feel for you. It might be slightly annoying to realise how much of a brat that means you have been in the past, but such is the cycle of life.
Getting sick or having aches and pains
Your options are limited to put things mildly. It's awful to get sick while you're pregnant and know that the really good stuff that usually works like a charm for you is off-limits. Then with pregnancy coming with its own assortment of aches and pains and knowing that the only thing that you can take safely is paracetamol... it can be very disheartening. From menstrual-like cramps, backache, headaches and round ligament pain, you'll see the same advice everywhere: paracetamol, cold (or hot) compresses, a nice warm bath (not too hot!), massage and rest.
Your options are limited to put things mildly. It's awful to get sick while you're pregnant and know that the really good stuff that usually works like a charm for you is off-limits. Then with pregnancy coming with its own assortment of aches and pains and knowing that the only thing that you can take safely is paracetamol... it can be very disheartening. From menstrual-like cramps, backache, headaches and round ligament pain, you'll see the same advice everywhere: paracetamol, cold (or hot) compresses, a nice warm bath (not too hot!), massage and rest.
Feeling your baby move
The first time is probably especially awe-inducing, especially if you're a first-time mom and you're not quite sure if it was a movement or some passing gas. But almost any kick, punch or hiccup is amazing... the exception being those times you're getting some nasty contact with your ribs! Aside from being a means of bonding with your cherub, it's also really reassuring to know that he or she is in there and is active.
The first time is probably especially awe-inducing, especially if you're a first-time mom and you're not quite sure if it was a movement or some passing gas. But almost any kick, punch or hiccup is amazing... the exception being those times you're getting some nasty contact with your ribs! Aside from being a means of bonding with your cherub, it's also really reassuring to know that he or she is in there and is active.
The exhaustion
It's quite frustrating to find yourself exhausted or winded by activities that previously
didn’t have too much of an effect on you. Coupled with the weight gain, you might start questioning your fitness levels and despairing for your prospects of weight loss post-pregnancy. Thankfully the exhaustion is related to your surging hormones and the breathlessness, particularly as your pregnancy progresses, it because your lungs are also being compressed by that expanding uterus and its precious cargo. But it's not always a bad thing, it can be a convenient excuse to skip out on social events that you’re not too keen to attend!
People trying to lessen your load in a non-condescending way
Chivalry isn't dead and even though it can be a little bit annoying when people seem to think that because you're growing a baby it means that you're helpless, it is nice when others try to help you. Whether it's offering you a seat, carrying a heavy load or picking things up that you've dropped on the floor, it is nice to know that there are people who care enough to try make sure that you're comfortable.
Wine (or any form of alcohol)… the lack thereof
Yes, there are many sources that say one glass of wine every now and then isn't going to hurt your baby (and could even be good for you), but then there are other condemning any amounts of alcohol. Even if you're not a big drinker, sometimes just the knowledge that you can't indulge in that occasional wine-drinking is enough to make you desperately want some. At least bad days at work can still be sorted with a nice bubble bath, maybe just pretend the grape juice is fermented...
Chivalry isn't dead and even though it can be a little bit annoying when people seem to think that because you're growing a baby it means that you're helpless, it is nice when others try to help you. Whether it's offering you a seat, carrying a heavy load or picking things up that you've dropped on the floor, it is nice to know that there are people who care enough to try make sure that you're comfortable.
Wine (or any form of alcohol)… the lack thereof
Yes, there are many sources that say one glass of wine every now and then isn't going to hurt your baby (and could even be good for you), but then there are other condemning any amounts of alcohol. Even if you're not a big drinker, sometimes just the knowledge that you can't indulge in that occasional wine-drinking is enough to make you desperately want some. At least bad days at work can still be sorted with a nice bubble bath, maybe just pretend the grape juice is fermented...
Food aversions
It's rather disheartening when you really enjoy a certain food and then suddenly find that the thought of it can not only turn your stomach, but lead you wanting to empty it out.
It's rather disheartening when you really enjoy a certain food and then suddenly find that the thought of it can not only turn your stomach, but lead you wanting to empty it out.
The sheer wonder of a miracle inside you
While the human reproductive process is obviously quite effective with over 7 billion people inhabiting the planet, I don't think you really appreciate just how amazing it is until you're pregnant. When you realise just how important timing is for successful conception and how many fertilised eggs don't even make it as far as implantation, it's easy to marvel at the development of that tiny person inside. Seeing their little movements on ultrasounds, realising that they're forming tiny little functioning organs and even dreaming while they develop in your womb.. the list goes on. It really is miraculous and amazing.
While the human reproductive process is obviously quite effective with over 7 billion people inhabiting the planet, I don't think you really appreciate just how amazing it is until you're pregnant. When you realise just how important timing is for successful conception and how many fertilised eggs don't even make it as far as implantation, it's easy to marvel at the development of that tiny person inside. Seeing their little movements on ultrasounds, realising that they're forming tiny little functioning organs and even dreaming while they develop in your womb.. the list goes on. It really is miraculous and amazing.
Morning sickness
Some women bypass it while others end up in emergency rooms attached to drips. While there are meds available to help, sometimes they don't help and the non-drug methods aren't always effective either. On the flip side, when you don't have morning sickness, you worry that something is wrong!
Some women bypass it while others end up in emergency rooms attached to drips. While there are meds available to help, sometimes they don't help and the non-drug methods aren't always effective either. On the flip side, when you don't have morning sickness, you worry that something is wrong!
A change in relationship dynamics with your partner
This could be both a high and a low, but I'm going to say it's a high. Yes, there's often tension and fear as well as the possibility of not every pregnancy reaching the conclusion of a happy baby born to two parents that are devoted to each other and their child. But when two people make a child together and are committed to each other, it's wonderful to be able to share the experience with someone. When your baby kicks, having someone who is just as excited to you waiting to feel your bump for those nudges. When you're worried, having someone there to reassure you (or send you to bed while they make supper and buy ice cream). Yes, your relationship will change and will be put through new challenges, but when you come through them stronger then it's worth it.
This could be both a high and a low, but I'm going to say it's a high. Yes, there's often tension and fear as well as the possibility of not every pregnancy reaching the conclusion of a happy baby born to two parents that are devoted to each other and their child. But when two people make a child together and are committed to each other, it's wonderful to be able to share the experience with someone. When your baby kicks, having someone who is just as excited to you waiting to feel your bump for those nudges. When you're worried, having someone there to reassure you (or send you to bed while they make supper and buy ice cream). Yes, your relationship will change and will be put through new challenges, but when you come through them stronger then it's worth it.
Feeling guilty about complaining about pregnancy
How often do you catch yourself feeling miserable because of any (or many) of the various discomforts that come along with pregnancy, but you always have to say something along the lines of "but it's so worth it!" or "but I love my baby"? Because if you don't people will think that you're ungrateful for the amazing blessing that is a child. It's not a lack of gratitude, sometimes it's just being human and admitting that something isn't easy. That's not to say that one should be insensitive the very real problem of infertility. There are so many couples struggling to have a baby and while you might want to mouth off about your temporary discomfort, they would give the world to experience it just because it would mean that they too will able to share in the wonder of pregnancy and eventual parenthood. Pregnancy can be an exceptionally challenging and emotional time and it definitely is not glamourous, it's acceptable to let the strain show every now and then, just maybe be aware of the people around you when you do so.
Finding other moms to relate to
It's great when you manage to find and connect with other moms, especially when they're around the same stage of pregnancy as you are. You'll be experiencing similar things and sharing many of the same hopes, fears and milestones. It's wonderful to share that special bond which will hopefully persist long after your precious bundle has arrived.
It's great when you manage to find and connect with other moms, especially when they're around the same stage of pregnancy as you are. You'll be experiencing similar things and sharing many of the same hopes, fears and milestones. It's wonderful to share that special bond which will hopefully persist long after your precious bundle has arrived.
Reaching the survival weeks and third trimester
The journey may have flown by or crawled at a snail's pace, but it's such a relief when you reach the points in pregnancy when the prognosis for your baby surviving an early delivery gets better and better. Knowing how much fear I've experienced in my pregnancy which has been complication free thus far (and hopefully will remain so!), I can only imagine how good it must feel for moms that have had lots of issues while baking their babies. Thanks to medical advances, babies born as early as 24 weeks have a chance at survival and this chance improves dramatically as the weeks continue to pass and your little one's lungs continue their development. Yes, it might mean months spent in the NICU and while you can maintain the hope that you will only deliver when you are either at or close to term, there is the chance that you will need to bring an slightly underbaked baby into the world and it's good to know that that doesn't necessarily mean doom and gloom. So even though some of the ailments may be on the rise and you might be getting more and more anxious to meet your baby, it's really great to know that you've made it that far and will probably get to the end with the birth of a healthy baby.
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