How does anyone survive pregnancy?
From the moment you find out you're pregnant, possibly even during the "we're thinking about having a baby" stage, the decision to bring new life into this world is fraught with a list of dos and don'ts that will make you feel like you're the child instead of the one having a child. If such a list actually physically existed, you might find that you spend a good portion of your pregnancy reading it – it's seemingly endless! From the comments made by family members to random strangers, the innumerable websites dedicated to the miraculous process and the endless articles and blog posts written by experts, laymen, idiots and people with specific agendas, you may find that just when you thought you couldn't be more overwhelmed, you will be! At least, this has been my experience... and the only way that I've managed to cope is by separating the nonsense and negativity from the information that is more likely or actually factual.
So you want to have a baby...
Sharing one's desire to have children, especially when you're at a stage when you either are expecting or hoping to be so soon, can be rather dicey territory. While you might hope that the people you choose to share this yearning with will be supportive, you might just be met with a big spoonful of negativity. Sometimes it might feel as though your friends and acquaintances actually resent their children to hear them moan and complain about how their lives have changed since becoming parents. Some may even go so far as to imply that you haven't thought things through properly, as if you are blissfully unaware that having a child can and will likely change your life forever. While I acknowledge that there probably are people suffering from such naĎŠvety and that I probably don't have the slightest clue of everything that I'll be in for when my own little bundle arrives, it's very disheartening to have other people giving you crappy nappies before you're even close to having to change a real one on your own child.
To be fair, sometimes these negative comments are well intended, but unfortunately not all of God's creatures are blessed with tact. Sometimes a really good piece of advice is hidden underneath a bitter comment and you just have to be open-minded enough to realise it. Although that can be difficult to do when you need to sift through your initial surge of anger, feelings of being insulted and sometimes just suppressing the urge to punch the purveyor of the offending comment in the face, especially if you are already pregnant and experiencing the effects of sky rocketing hormone levels. Whatever the reactions are to your intended venture into parenthood, just remember that not everyone is going to have something nice to say and that the decision should ultimately be whatever makes you (and your partner) happy.
I'm pregnant – what am I allowed to eat and drink?
Before my munchkin came into my life, I remember hearing various things about what you can eat and what you should avoid in pregnancy. The most commonly known ones would probably be alcohol, raw meats and caffeine.While those items make sense to avoid, when you start delving deeper, you'll find a whole host of other "no no" foods. I recall how my sponsored Facebook ads started changing as my Googling behaviour did – more and more information about pregnancy. I saw an article which was had a title along the lines of "Don't eat these foods during pregnancy" so I thought I'd give it a read. When I had finished it I felt like I would be living off organically grown vegetables from my garden... which would have been a problem since I don't have any such produce planted, let alone some crops to harvest. This "article" attacked almost everything; eggs, processed and cold meats, sushi, tinned foods, sweets, baked goods, leftovers, bacon, peanuts and street food to name a few. Most of the justifications given all centred on the same thing – risk of toxoplasmosis.
Rather than rush to purchase over priced fresh produce, I decided to use a bit of common sense and consider each supposed deadly item.
Eggs. Yes, if inadequately cooked, there is a risk to eating eggs.
Processed and cold meats. Again, concern about being undercooked, inadequately stored or having nasty preservatives.
Sushi. Yes, this is one of the infamous "not allowed in pregnancy foods", but if you do a bit of reading you'll find out that it's actually recommended as part of a low fat diet for women in Japan. That doesn't mean that you should go crazy at your local sushi bar though. A little bit in moderation is acceptable, but with guidelines such as avoiding high mercury containing fish and ensuring that you get your sushi from a reputable source.
Tinned foods. Again, this is based on the concern that the contents may not have been stored properly or because of the potentially harmful effects of preservatives. Sorry, but there are preservatives in just about everything you buy these days and most of them have been consumed for years with only a small percentage of the population being sensitive to them.
Sweets. This was mainly listed as a precaution to try avoid empty calories. Not bad advice at all, but a little bit of sugar in moderation isn't a bad thing.
Baked goods. The justification related to the possibility of such goods containing eggs. Yeah, sorry, but any bacteria that might have been introduced is probably killed off by being exposed to temperatures exceeding 100˚C for several minutes.
Leftovers. Even if stored at recommended temperatures or frozen after cooking. Again the horrors of toxoplasmosis are brought out to scare you.
Bacon. Apparently one should avoid foods with high nitrate concentrations because of the risk of cancer and unknown effects on a baby. I think that the human race has been eating bacon for long enough to take this one as another example of something to enjoy in moderation.
Peanuts. Allergy risk. The science behind this is sketchy and the jury is still out on whether prenatal exposure to possible allergens heightens or reduces the chances of your baby having an allergy. Peanuts are a good source of protein and healthy fats – a much better snack option than chips.
Street foods. Toxoplas.... you know the story. You can't trust street vendors to cook their foods properly so you should just avoid street food altogether. The flip side of the coin is that these are more likely to be fatty and unhealthy foods. I think this should be up to your own discretion, depending on the kinds of places you frequent. I got food poisoning after eating chicken at a fancy hotel restaurant – it doesn't matter if the source is on the street or in a classy building, whenever you eat food prepared by persons with food sources unknown to you there's a risk and you need to decide for yourself how much of a risk you're prepared to take.
Considering coffee and alcohol... There's a lot of mixed information. Some sources recommend cutting alcohol out of your system before you even plan on having a baby while many others say that having a glass of wine for a special occasion (read: not often and not in excess) is acceptable. Caffeine can cause uterine contractions and amounts exceeding 200mg (about 2 cups of instant coffee) per day are associated with higher rates of miscarriage. I must admit that I cut my caffeine consumption quite quickly and even though I've passed the half way mark in my pregnancy now, I still avoid coffee – I choose to enjoy chocolate instead.
Don't bend over like that! You can't lift that! Exercise during pregnancy...
That being said, one shouldn't start a new routine if one hasn't been active prior to pregnancy or if your doctor has advised against exercise (high risk pregnancies). Light aerobic exercise, such as a short walk, should be gradually introduced and performed at least three times a week. And any activities with a high risk of falling or injury should be avoided. And in order to avoid over exertion, the rule of thumb is to be able to maintain a conversation while doing your exercise.
What I find somewhat amusing about the persisting archaic ideas pertaining to exercise during pregnancy is when people make comments about bending over or heavy lifting. Yes, with bending over as a pregnant woman your centre of gravity gets messed up and it can be difficult to maintain your balance (as well as wreaking havoc with your blood pressure), while lifting a heavy weight doesn't do any good for your likely already strained lower back, but how do people think that previous generations survived when mothers were pregnant and raising toddlers?
Thanks, but I don't remember asking for your advice?
Whether you want to hear it or not, as soon as people are aware of your impending arrival, they feel compelled to offer you advice. Some women appreciate this. Heck, I don't mind getting advice if it's really going to help me. But there are times when you actually feel like telling said well-intentioned person that their advice is about as useful as an arsehole on your elbow (especially with comments like: "Enjoy your sleep now 'cause you won't get much when baby comes!"). This is a bit of a double-edged sword because you don't want to isolate yourself, especially when you might actually want to ask others for advice, but by the same token there's only so much advice (even good advice) that one can take when you're not actually seeking it. How to survive? I don't know, I'm still figuring this one out.
You're pregnant? You'll need to get this. And this. And this. And that.
Walking through a store dedicated to babies can make you wonder how the human race ever survived before the invention of all these gadgets. From basic nursery furniture and baby monitors to travel systems costing almost as much as a scooter (if not more!), it's no wonder that many people feel that having a baby is an exorbitant expense that cannot be afforded. Especially when advice givers such as those mentioned above resemble the image below:
How to survive? Don't let yourself be bullied by over-zealous sales personnel, discuss products with your own parents and friends who are parents and use just a dash of common sense before you max out your credit card.
Your belly just became public property. Get used to it.
This is an aspect that I really struggle with. I like my personal space. Correction. I love my personal space and I guard it jealously. There are only a very select number of people who are allowed to invade my personal space without me inviting them to do so. But I too have fallen victim to belly rubbers. I suppose I could start a feminist rant about how this behaviour is yet another example of how women and their bodies are disrespected and blame it all on the patriarchy, but I prefer to steer clear of those kind of assertions. I personally don't think I've ever felt the impulse to randomly touch a pregnant woman's belly, but that might be related to the fact that I'm not a touchy feely person.
Fortunately, most people that know me well enough have the good sense to ask me if they can touch my bump. I haven't resisted. I haven't yet experienced a total stranger trying to reach out and touch me. I hope that this doesn't happen because I honestly don't know how I will react. I've ignored the impulse to tell off the random rubbers known to me, but I don't think I'd be able to keep it bottled in for someone I don't know... There are many suggestions regarding how one can tackle this issue, but I haven't found one that I think I'd be able to employ.
I'll just google this one thing quickly...
The problem with a ready source of information at your fingertips is that it's that much easier to fall into a trap of looking up every single thought that crosses your mind. And that can be dangerous when you can't be sure of the quality of the information you'll find. It's generally advisable to stick to more reputable sources, such as well recognised clinical sites, but sometimes the symptom or thing that you're putting in your search bar isn't exactly a FAQ on a standard website. So you might find yourself sifting through questions on Yahoo answers or responses on pregnancy forums and sometimes this can provide the reassurance that you need, but other times may send you into a complete panic because someone in cyberspace experienced the same thing and the results were bad.
I'm guilty of turning to Dr Google more often than I should. One piece of advice that I picked up once that I've tried to carry with me is this: "People are more likely to share their negative experiences than 'normal' ones. So while you might find a lot of negative stories posted by people online, there are probably a whole lot more where the results were normal or positive and they simply haven't been shared."
What's in a name?
I've written about this before. Choosing a name for your baby (or babies) is a difficult decision. And it's not made any easier when people feel free to let fly with their opinions about the name(s) you might like (much like they do with their advice and belly rubbing). Unless you've got a thick skin, it might be best to keep the name a secret until the birth and everything is official because it's that much more difficult for people to be negative and mean when there's an actual child with the name they object to in front of them. On the other hand, it might also be good to "claim a name", especially when you've got friends or family who are also expecting because there's that slight risk that your little ones may end up with the same or very similar names... Awkward.
How to survive? Decide what strategy is going to work best for you and how much you care about the opinions of other people when it comes to the name you've chosen. Ultimately the decision about what to name your child should be a personal one. It should make both you and your partner happy. And hopefully your little blessing will also be happy when he or she is older enough to contemplate whether or not he or she likes his or her name.
The aches, the pains, the nausea, heartburn and the flatulence... amongst other annoyances!
Delving into this aspect of pregnancy would probably be a blog post on its own. And every woman is likely to experience different combinations of such annoyances, which may and probably will change if she has more than one pregnancy. And there are many other ladies who have tackled this aspect of becoming a mom...
Thus concludes my ramblings regarding pregnancy survival. What experiences made you wonder how you'd get through your 40 week count down?
So you want to have a baby...
Sharing one's desire to have children, especially when you're at a stage when you either are expecting or hoping to be so soon, can be rather dicey territory. While you might hope that the people you choose to share this yearning with will be supportive, you might just be met with a big spoonful of negativity. Sometimes it might feel as though your friends and acquaintances actually resent their children to hear them moan and complain about how their lives have changed since becoming parents. Some may even go so far as to imply that you haven't thought things through properly, as if you are blissfully unaware that having a child can and will likely change your life forever. While I acknowledge that there probably are people suffering from such naĎŠvety and that I probably don't have the slightest clue of everything that I'll be in for when my own little bundle arrives, it's very disheartening to have other people giving you crappy nappies before you're even close to having to change a real one on your own child.
To be fair, sometimes these negative comments are well intended, but unfortunately not all of God's creatures are blessed with tact. Sometimes a really good piece of advice is hidden underneath a bitter comment and you just have to be open-minded enough to realise it. Although that can be difficult to do when you need to sift through your initial surge of anger, feelings of being insulted and sometimes just suppressing the urge to punch the purveyor of the offending comment in the face, especially if you are already pregnant and experiencing the effects of sky rocketing hormone levels. Whatever the reactions are to your intended venture into parenthood, just remember that not everyone is going to have something nice to say and that the decision should ultimately be whatever makes you (and your partner) happy.
I'm pregnant – what am I allowed to eat and drink?
Before my munchkin came into my life, I remember hearing various things about what you can eat and what you should avoid in pregnancy. The most commonly known ones would probably be alcohol, raw meats and caffeine.While those items make sense to avoid, when you start delving deeper, you'll find a whole host of other "no no" foods. I recall how my sponsored Facebook ads started changing as my Googling behaviour did – more and more information about pregnancy. I saw an article which was had a title along the lines of "Don't eat these foods during pregnancy" so I thought I'd give it a read. When I had finished it I felt like I would be living off organically grown vegetables from my garden... which would have been a problem since I don't have any such produce planted, let alone some crops to harvest. This "article" attacked almost everything; eggs, processed and cold meats, sushi, tinned foods, sweets, baked goods, leftovers, bacon, peanuts and street food to name a few. Most of the justifications given all centred on the same thing – risk of toxoplasmosis.
Rather than rush to purchase over priced fresh produce, I decided to use a bit of common sense and consider each supposed deadly item.
Eggs. Yes, if inadequately cooked, there is a risk to eating eggs.
Processed and cold meats. Again, concern about being undercooked, inadequately stored or having nasty preservatives.
Sushi. Yes, this is one of the infamous "not allowed in pregnancy foods", but if you do a bit of reading you'll find out that it's actually recommended as part of a low fat diet for women in Japan. That doesn't mean that you should go crazy at your local sushi bar though. A little bit in moderation is acceptable, but with guidelines such as avoiding high mercury containing fish and ensuring that you get your sushi from a reputable source.
Tinned foods. Again, this is based on the concern that the contents may not have been stored properly or because of the potentially harmful effects of preservatives. Sorry, but there are preservatives in just about everything you buy these days and most of them have been consumed for years with only a small percentage of the population being sensitive to them.
Sweets. This was mainly listed as a precaution to try avoid empty calories. Not bad advice at all, but a little bit of sugar in moderation isn't a bad thing.
Baked goods. The justification related to the possibility of such goods containing eggs. Yeah, sorry, but any bacteria that might have been introduced is probably killed off by being exposed to temperatures exceeding 100˚C for several minutes.
Leftovers. Even if stored at recommended temperatures or frozen after cooking. Again the horrors of toxoplasmosis are brought out to scare you.
Bacon. Apparently one should avoid foods with high nitrate concentrations because of the risk of cancer and unknown effects on a baby. I think that the human race has been eating bacon for long enough to take this one as another example of something to enjoy in moderation.
Peanuts. Allergy risk. The science behind this is sketchy and the jury is still out on whether prenatal exposure to possible allergens heightens or reduces the chances of your baby having an allergy. Peanuts are a good source of protein and healthy fats – a much better snack option than chips.
Street foods. Toxoplas.... you know the story. You can't trust street vendors to cook their foods properly so you should just avoid street food altogether. The flip side of the coin is that these are more likely to be fatty and unhealthy foods. I think this should be up to your own discretion, depending on the kinds of places you frequent. I got food poisoning after eating chicken at a fancy hotel restaurant – it doesn't matter if the source is on the street or in a classy building, whenever you eat food prepared by persons with food sources unknown to you there's a risk and you need to decide for yourself how much of a risk you're prepared to take.
Considering coffee and alcohol... There's a lot of mixed information. Some sources recommend cutting alcohol out of your system before you even plan on having a baby while many others say that having a glass of wine for a special occasion (read: not often and not in excess) is acceptable. Caffeine can cause uterine contractions and amounts exceeding 200mg (about 2 cups of instant coffee) per day are associated with higher rates of miscarriage. I must admit that I cut my caffeine consumption quite quickly and even though I've passed the half way mark in my pregnancy now, I still avoid coffee – I choose to enjoy chocolate instead.
Don't bend over like that! You can't lift that! Exercise during pregnancy...
That being said, one shouldn't start a new routine if one hasn't been active prior to pregnancy or if your doctor has advised against exercise (high risk pregnancies). Light aerobic exercise, such as a short walk, should be gradually introduced and performed at least three times a week. And any activities with a high risk of falling or injury should be avoided. And in order to avoid over exertion, the rule of thumb is to be able to maintain a conversation while doing your exercise.
What I find somewhat amusing about the persisting archaic ideas pertaining to exercise during pregnancy is when people make comments about bending over or heavy lifting. Yes, with bending over as a pregnant woman your centre of gravity gets messed up and it can be difficult to maintain your balance (as well as wreaking havoc with your blood pressure), while lifting a heavy weight doesn't do any good for your likely already strained lower back, but how do people think that previous generations survived when mothers were pregnant and raising toddlers?
Thanks, but I don't remember asking for your advice?
Whether you want to hear it or not, as soon as people are aware of your impending arrival, they feel compelled to offer you advice. Some women appreciate this. Heck, I don't mind getting advice if it's really going to help me. But there are times when you actually feel like telling said well-intentioned person that their advice is about as useful as an arsehole on your elbow (especially with comments like: "Enjoy your sleep now 'cause you won't get much when baby comes!"). This is a bit of a double-edged sword because you don't want to isolate yourself, especially when you might actually want to ask others for advice, but by the same token there's only so much advice (even good advice) that one can take when you're not actually seeking it. How to survive? I don't know, I'm still figuring this one out.
You're pregnant? You'll need to get this. And this. And this. And that.
Walking through a store dedicated to babies can make you wonder how the human race ever survived before the invention of all these gadgets. From basic nursery furniture and baby monitors to travel systems costing almost as much as a scooter (if not more!), it's no wonder that many people feel that having a baby is an exorbitant expense that cannot be afforded. Especially when advice givers such as those mentioned above resemble the image below:
How to survive? Don't let yourself be bullied by over-zealous sales personnel, discuss products with your own parents and friends who are parents and use just a dash of common sense before you max out your credit card.
Your belly just became public property. Get used to it.
This is an aspect that I really struggle with. I like my personal space. Correction. I love my personal space and I guard it jealously. There are only a very select number of people who are allowed to invade my personal space without me inviting them to do so. But I too have fallen victim to belly rubbers. I suppose I could start a feminist rant about how this behaviour is yet another example of how women and their bodies are disrespected and blame it all on the patriarchy, but I prefer to steer clear of those kind of assertions. I personally don't think I've ever felt the impulse to randomly touch a pregnant woman's belly, but that might be related to the fact that I'm not a touchy feely person.
Fortunately, most people that know me well enough have the good sense to ask me if they can touch my bump. I haven't resisted. I haven't yet experienced a total stranger trying to reach out and touch me. I hope that this doesn't happen because I honestly don't know how I will react. I've ignored the impulse to tell off the random rubbers known to me, but I don't think I'd be able to keep it bottled in for someone I don't know... There are many suggestions regarding how one can tackle this issue, but I haven't found one that I think I'd be able to employ.
I'll just google this one thing quickly...
The problem with a ready source of information at your fingertips is that it's that much easier to fall into a trap of looking up every single thought that crosses your mind. And that can be dangerous when you can't be sure of the quality of the information you'll find. It's generally advisable to stick to more reputable sources, such as well recognised clinical sites, but sometimes the symptom or thing that you're putting in your search bar isn't exactly a FAQ on a standard website. So you might find yourself sifting through questions on Yahoo answers or responses on pregnancy forums and sometimes this can provide the reassurance that you need, but other times may send you into a complete panic because someone in cyberspace experienced the same thing and the results were bad.
I'm guilty of turning to Dr Google more often than I should. One piece of advice that I picked up once that I've tried to carry with me is this: "People are more likely to share their negative experiences than 'normal' ones. So while you might find a lot of negative stories posted by people online, there are probably a whole lot more where the results were normal or positive and they simply haven't been shared."
What's in a name?
I've written about this before. Choosing a name for your baby (or babies) is a difficult decision. And it's not made any easier when people feel free to let fly with their opinions about the name(s) you might like (much like they do with their advice and belly rubbing). Unless you've got a thick skin, it might be best to keep the name a secret until the birth and everything is official because it's that much more difficult for people to be negative and mean when there's an actual child with the name they object to in front of them. On the other hand, it might also be good to "claim a name", especially when you've got friends or family who are also expecting because there's that slight risk that your little ones may end up with the same or very similar names... Awkward.
How to survive? Decide what strategy is going to work best for you and how much you care about the opinions of other people when it comes to the name you've chosen. Ultimately the decision about what to name your child should be a personal one. It should make both you and your partner happy. And hopefully your little blessing will also be happy when he or she is older enough to contemplate whether or not he or she likes his or her name.
The aches, the pains, the nausea, heartburn and the flatulence... amongst other annoyances!
Delving into this aspect of pregnancy would probably be a blog post on its own. And every woman is likely to experience different combinations of such annoyances, which may and probably will change if she has more than one pregnancy. And there are many other ladies who have tackled this aspect of becoming a mom...
Thus concludes my ramblings regarding pregnancy survival. What experiences made you wonder how you'd get through your 40 week count down?
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